Thursday, began like most other Thursdays. I was waiting to drive Mrs. Sneed to work, anticipating going to the golf course immediately afterward.
Then my phone rang. It was Some Guy Named Bob and he sounded bad, even by SGNB standards. SGNB is a diabetic.
SGNB said that he had awaken with a blood sugar level of 27 and that he was extremely disoriented. He said that he was too sick to play. I encouraged him to stay home and get things under control.
That left the Seafood King, Seafood Jr., and me as a threesome. Or so we thought.
At the third hole, SGNB rolled up and announced that he had recovered enough to play after all.
It was clear from SGNB's behavior that he was anything but ready to play.
On the fourth hole, SGNB lined up at a 45 degree angle from the hole and let one rip, nearly hitting me and Seafood Jr. Then he jumped into his cart and headed straight down the fairway, oblivious to where his ball had actually gone.
Normally, playing with SGNB involves helping him find his ball about 90% of the time. On this day not only did he not know where his ball landed, he had no idea where to begin looking.
We were playing the 9th hole, I had hit my second shot and was walking up to it, when Kim, the refreshment cart driver, showed up.
As I was getting my iced tea refilled by Kim, SGNB screamed up in his golf cart and parked immediately behind her cart.
One of my peeves about SGNB is his legendary cheapness. SGNB has a lot of money, but he will do anything to avoid spending it, even when it means he takes advantage of other people. He believes that Kim's refreshment cart is a service owed him, no tipping necessary.
In fact on the one day a year that SGNB actually pays for our lunch (the Seafood King and I split the remaining weeks), we have to force SGNB to leave a tip.
SGNB never buys anything from Kim, he always wants "just some ice". Kim got my tea and filled SGNB's cup with ice.
As I was paying, SGNB jumped into his cart and floored it, sweeping around from behind and plowing straight into me and narrowly missing Kim. Fortunately, it was a slightly glancing blow and left me stunned, with a giant black tire print on the back of my left leg.
That was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I packed up my stuff and told the Seafood King and Seafood Jr., that I was done and going home.
It is reported that on the 11th hole SGNB asked where I was. He insisted that he only ran me over because I backed into his path. A story he has now told everyone who will listen.
On the 13th hole everyone called it a day, after SGNB nearly cold cocked a player on an adjacent hole.
The Seafood King wanted to drive SGNB home, but SGNB wouldn't allow it. SGNB will kill himself or someone else one day.
I vowed never to play with SGNB again, but that was short-lived when we all agreed that Seafood Jr. will drive SGNB in a cart in the future.
ay or may not actually be true. The writer is frequently wrong, sometimes just full of it, but always judgmental and cranky