Ashley's Mom

Long time readers know that from time to time I can be kind of petty and sort of mean. This is about to be one of those times. I understand that many people try to look their best. I don't personally try that hard, but many people do. I happen to think that aging gracefully is part of looking your best. Some people don't agree, some people like say...Ashley's Mom. I encountered Ashley's Mom this morning in my travels to a major university located here in our fair city. Ashley seemed to me to be a woman in her early twenties. Ashley's Mom's age was not ascertainable by the layman. A trained archaeologist could have used carbon dating or something to get an exact fix. Now that's just mean and I'll edit that out later. I'm going to guess she was in her middle forties. She was desperately trying to look thirty, and a youthful thirty at that. Ashley's Mom breezed into the waiting area where I was, well, waiting. She was both preceded by and trailed by her giant mane of blond hair. When I say blond, I really mean a shade of blond that is created in a laboratory and not in nature. It swept back, with nary a hair out of place. She took a seat directly across from me, leaving me no choice but to gawk. Every time the poor woman glanced up we locked eyes. I couldn't stop staring. God knows I tried, but I'm only human. Ashley's Mom was wearing a tight black top from a famous designer label. It accentuated her boob job nicely. Wait, my lawyer says that I have to use the phrase, "alleged boob job". She carried the matching black Hoodie, in case of draft. Her pants were also black and very tight. Footwear was some type of expensive black sandals, with bangles. The entire ensemble was topped off by a black tote, I believe it was the Prada Leather Pocket Tote, $1595 retail. Then there was the face lift, uh, alleged face lift, which left her face allegedly unnaturally tight. She had a strange crease starting at one ear, running beneath her chin, to the other ear. Her lips had a permanent pursed look, possibly from collagen. These factors combined to give her voice an odd tone. Ashley's Mom passed her time reading, and I am not making this up, a catalog from a famous intimate apparel supplier and seemed delighted by its contents. It was all very curious. Speaking as a guy, when I see someone like Ashley's Mom, I'm just glad I don't have to pay the upkeep. She is probably a very nice woman, but someone should convince her that time waits for no man...or woman. Of course, if she is as mean as me she will have gone home and complained about the crusty old vagrant who kept staring at her like he had never seen class before. Things in this blog represented to be fact, may or may not actually be true. The writer is frequently wrong, sometimes just full of it, but always judgmental and cranky Tag: Daily Life Personal Finance Humor