Aug 12, 2009

Talk about your bad days. A local Hootervillian woman had a doozie recently. The woman in question paid a visit to her psychic, to get a preview of coming attractions, as they applied to her. Or at least I think that's why one consults a psychic. The psychic gave this lady a bag of "good luck crystals" to carry with her at all times. After all, who can't use a bag of good luck now and again? Hell, I'll take a grocery-sized bag myself. A few days later our gal was driving home from work, late at night, when a county deputy saw her drive into a turn lane, as though she was going to make a right turn. But then, in a move that could only be thought up by a master criminal, she turned left and back into traffic. That's right, she DIDN'T turn right. How do you explain that? Well, if you are a highly trained police officer, you immediately recognize the obvious; a drunken driver. Fair enough. The layman might think she merely changed her mind, but that's why I'm typing this, sitting in my living room in my boxers, and not patrolling the streets. The officer pulled the suspect over, asked the usual questions and decided that a field sobriety test was in order. After the whole, walk this line, count to ten, touch your nose deal, the deputy concluded she wasn't drunk. Rather than send her on her way, the determined lawman pressed on. He asked if she was on drugs? No. Is it okay to search your car and purse? Sure. The search of the car turned up her bag of lucky crystals. Now ask yourself, what self-respecting officer of the law is going is going to fall for the old bag of good luck story when he knows full well that it is a plain old bag of meth? Somewhere around this point in the story, the officer placed the suspect in handcuffs and put her in his partol car. By all accounts she become hysterical, sobbing and wailing and trying to figure out how to kill the psychic. I made up that last part, but that's what I would want to do. Out comes the drug testing kit and drumroll please, the lucky charms test negative for meth or any other street drug. End of story, right? Not in Hooterville. You simply don't embarrass a police officer like this. Innocence is no excuse for breaking the law. It may not even be an excuse not to break the law. The police officer decided that if the bag of good fortune was not illegal drugs, then she must be a drug dealer who is using fake drugs to fool someone. He arrested her and charged her with having an imitation controlled substance and then he hauled her off to jail. The authorities did call the psychic and she confirmed that she had given the suspect a bag of quartz crystals for good luck. The poor woman had her first day in court and rather than laughing the police and prosecution out of the courtroom, the judge set another hearing in a month, pending the results of an in-depth analysis of the lucky rocks by the crack staff at the state lab. Longtime readers will recall that our mentally ill son was arrested for drunken driving by mistake. I can tell you that it takes months and months for the police and prosecution to swallow their pride and admit it when they are mistaken. She's in for a long ordeal. Not to demean the police and the hard work most of them do, but there is a grain of truth in every parody. Here's one for you. Things in this blog represented to be fact, may or may not actually be true. The writer is frequently wrong, sometimes just full of it, but always judgmental and cranky

14 comments:

tut-tut said...

Just don't get Judge Moon, if you're ever pulled over here.

Nan Patience said...

Maybe Hooterville needs a meth summit, tee hee.

Reya Mellicker said...

Barney is so gay. And you my dear are so damn funny!

OMG that poor woman! I think the psychic is really the devil, or at least a very very bad psychic. Clearly those crystals were all about luck - BAD luck.

Whoa.

Steve said...

Oh for Pete's sake -- some cop had an ego problem.

Kurt said...

That Andy Griffith Show is underrated.

The Bug said...

That's terrible! Poor lady. However, you recounted the tale in a MOST amusing fashion - thanks!

Barbara said...

So why didn't she turn right? I thought you were going to say she had a message from the crystals to stay straight!

I feel for anyone who has to go through an ordeal like this. It has to give you a creepy feeling even if you are innocent.

Julia said...

I laughing at the story until you got to the part where he charged her with carrying imitation drugs and arrested her. That is insane.

Bella Rum said...

Don Knotts was a genius!

Poor woman.

Annie Ha said...

Hey, Merle, I just heard that golf will be included in the 2016 Olympic games.

Terri@SteelMagnolia said...

Hey bubs!!! Thought I'd spend a few minutes running around to me blogger buds....
been spending way too much time on FB!

Ronda Laveen said...

I came from Reya's blog to read your "lucy story."

This is so funny! These cops clearly don't have enough experience with meth if they can't figure out the difference between quartz crystal and crystal meth. Our cops are much more savvy, but then I live in an area that is a meth and psychic capitol of California.

mouse (aka kimy) said...

cops can't live with them, can't - well I won't write the rest of what I say follows because some cyber cop may hunt me down and arrest me.

if that poor woman was a litigiously oriented I'd say she has just cause to sue the pants off a number of folks! off at least share the world of pain she's going through

guess if it wasn't for bad luck, poor woman, would have no luck at all!

remind me not to drive if I come to visit hooterville! you never know when you realize that instead of left you need to turn right or visa versa!

in fact, just last night my friend susan was driving I was navigating I told her to turn left, she mistakenly turned right then proceeded to make a u-turn in the street (safely no cars around) when she discovered what she did, luckily we weren't in hooterville and near any hooterville cops..... who knows what they would have done - arrested her and probably me for aiding and abetting!

Annie Ha said...

I guess I misheard the news this morning. The hubs was quick to correct me. You know they wanna give Tiger a gold, though.