Dec 3, 2008

With respect to my flagging memory, my friend Mr. Kurt, offered the following. Here's the test: if you can't remember where your glasses are, that's just getting old. If you forget that you wear glasses, that's losing it. Based on that criteria, all hope is not lost. But it is hanging on by its fingertips. You know, when the hero has been pushed off the ledge by the villain and you can see his fingers losing their grip on the ledge? That's me. Let me tell you about my glasses situation. Since I was about thirteen I have worn glasses. That is, except for about five years when, after I lost them, my old man refused to spring for new ones. The cost of beer being what it was and all. I've actually know since I was about eight that I was somewhat near-sighted, but for several years my folks told me I was mistaken. Anyway, I got my glasses and about three or four months later I lost them, as kids will do. That was that, corrective lens-wise. I believe I was told I could get new glasses when I had enough money to buy myself a new pair. So, lo these many years, about thirty-five or so, I have worn glasses to correct my near-sightedness. Mrs. Sneed will confirm that it has been nearly four decades of, "I can't find my glasses." She always gets a kick out of me saying that. No she really does. A couple of years ago, during my periodic eye exam, the doctor, at least I assume she was a doctor, told me that my near-sightedness had improved. She said this sometimes happens in middle age. I got a milder prescription that I used to have. The vision in my left eye is not great, but I can see very well out of the right. Working together, my vision is passable even without my glasses. Of course the ravages of age had left me in need of reading glasses, so it was bifocals for me. Anyway, a few months ago I got new glasses. About two weeks after getting them, I lost them. Not lost around the house, but really, really, ain't gonna ever find them, lost them. So, I dug out my old pair and soldiered on. Then, while fixing the water line in the front yard recently, I may or may not have buried my prescription sunglasses in the giant hole I dug. Rather, filled technically, but you get the idea. Then, to make matters worse, I lost my old pair of glasses about two or three days after that. I'm not ruling out foul play here, but no one will fess up to having swiped my specs. It could be a scheme to drive me mad (short trip). So, that's it for me. I'm not wearing glasses anymore, except the cheapo reading glasses that I can buy over the counter. I will just live with my so-so vision. My driver's license doesn't renew until 2015 and I don't have a corrective lens restriction, so screw it, I'm going cold turkey. Glasses are for suckers. Things in this blog represented to be fact, may or may not actually be true. The writer is frequently wrong, sometimes just full of it, but always judgmental and cranky

12 comments:

Megan said...

I'm laughing so hard I can't comment.

Anonymous said...

You might want to think about lasik. It did wonders for me.

Annie Ha said...

I once heard a joke in a room full of perfect visioners:

"What's it like having sex with an optometrist?"
"This way? Or this way? This way?..."

There was one other blindy like me. We laughed but no one else really got it.

Coffee Messiah said...

Yikes: (

A few years back I purchased bifocals. I think it has made things worse ; (

Reading small print is hard, unless I'm outside in natural light, very strange.

Can I come over and help dig up the yard to find those glasses? Maybe you've hidden some stock and bond papers there too ; )

Kurt said...

I've always had perfect vision, but Flonase, which I take for allergies, can cause Glaucoma, but I'm taking it anyway. Stupid?

Adrianne said...

I'd hate to think how you'd do with contact lenses! (: )

Daughter Sneed said...

I can comment on the contact lens situation, Adrianne. I recall clearly when Old Merle tried them. It took him about two hours to put them in, sitting at our dining room table on 20th street, tears streaming down his face. I'm pretty sure it was the the first and last time he tried them.

Karen said...

How does one bury their glasses and not notice? Just asking...

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

I think Kurt took them;-) My father rarely leaves a place without leaving his glasses. Not where you'd expect them either. Hidden really well! Recently I was told I required reading glasses (which actually made my eyes worse, so I stopped using them) and my husband gets great pleasure out of telling me "boy, the apple sure doesn't fall far from the tree!"

Reya Mellicker said...

Your parents wouldn't buy you glasses?? That sucks!

bella rum said...

Somehow I missed this post. I just read it to the husband and we can't stop laughing.

...oh, and burying your glasses without noticing??? Is that kind of like a surgeon leaving the scalpel behind after an appendectomy?

bitchlet said...

Kurt does research before popping pills. Interesting.

ps- It's been such a long time since I last read the blog!