Oct 31, 2008

There has been an interesting development in the case of the crazy person who is sending us letters about Lacey the Wonder Dog. I think I have figured out who it is and where she lives. The person lives about five blocks from here. Five blocks. It is inconceivable that the mutt could be an actual nuisance to a person five blocks away, unless of course, the person is crazy. The letter sender is a 62 year-old woman, who appears to be a part time resident of Hooterville, since her property tax bill is sent to an address in NY City, Manhattan to be specific. I called the post office on the chance that they might tell me who owned the PO Box on the return address for the certified letter that we got. No dice on that. It seems that in America you are still free to send harassing mail with the aid of the Postal Service. I was surfing the internet, trying to figure out how to find the owner of the PO Box and I stumbled upon a service that said they could provide it for about $3.00. I gave them the info and in a few seconds, I had a list of people who had rented the box. The only person on the list in our neighborhood, is the suspect. This ties in with my hypothesis that the complainer was someone who walked a dog past the house, rather than an actual neighbor. I am compiling a list of possible retaliatory tactics. Should anything come to mind, leave me a comment. Things in this blog represented to be fact, may or may not actually be true. The writer is frequently wrong, sometimes just full of it, but always judgmental and cranky

11 comments:

Megan said...

I have plenty of ideas, but they all start with the question: "What's the budget?"

Reya Mellicker said...

Well, you know me well enough to know that what I might suggest wouldn't exactly jibe with your "lifestyle." Like ... I'd put mirrors on your fence facing in the direction of her house, to bounce her awful, raging, obsessive energy back in her direction.

Yeah ... I didn't think that would sound like a good idea to you.

If she wasn't picking on Lacey the wonder dog, I would almost feel sorry for her. It's pathetic to be so angry that you have to search out ways to vent your spleen.

I know you'll find the right way to clear this up. Can't wait to hear how it turns out.

Julia said...

You should let Lacey poop on her yard.

Terri@SteelMagnolia said...

She must be bored and unhappy to be such a PITA...

that's too bad.

I'd try taking her cookies and see what happens.
You know... kill er with kindess...

I've done something like that before.. and it worked... not the same situation.. but you know what I mean.

Kurt said...

Spend $150 to have an attorney send her a threatening letter. Even better, if you golf with an attorney, he/she might do it for free.

This sort of thing won't happen during the McCain presidency.

Nan Patience said...

Good detective work, there, Merle!

How exciting. I can't wait to hear what you do...

Marcia said...

use her address for all those sweepstakes and prizes that get people sending you junk mail.

or Call up a (or a few) realitor office late at night and leave a message that you want to put your house up for sale urgently, just leave the address,( because you dont have the phone number) and then realitors will start showing up unannounced all day.

Order pizza to her address, and sit down the street in 30 min and watch the fiasco occure. Then stop the pizza man and really buy the pizza, cuse that may be kinda mean to stiff him on a tip.

i have more that are really really aweful.. yes more aweful then these but,i should stop here.

Marcia said...

i was just thinking, if, and just if... all these people in Hootersville are crazy, does that make YOU crazy as well? are you sure you dont live in a mental institute?

bitchlet said...

ooh!

bella rum said...

I'm impressed with your advanced investigative skills. The "kill-her-with-kindness" approach doesn't have that feel-good quality that turning the garden hose on and putting it in her window does, but it might work.

My nephew has seafood-feasts parties for his neighbors most weekends during the summer. Several young families party into the night. There's an elderly couple that doesn't participate. He takes them a platter of the fixins and they've never complained. If that doesn't work, try the hose in the window.

Steve said...

Excellent detective work! It figures the complainer would be some uptight Manhattanite. People here complain about everything. (And that also explains how she'd know about "debarking," which sounds like something you'd do to a New York dog living in a small apartment.)

Maybe you should just write her a letter, tell her you know who she is, and tell her (non-threateningly) to mind her own beeswax.