Aug 25, 2008

An Important Public Service Announcement

This is the actual flag from my actual front yard. A limp flag against a gray sky pretty much sums up the state of my political career. Rest assured that had Obama/Sneed 2008 come about, the flag would be flapping against the bluest skies you've ever seen. Now that I, Merle Wayne Sneed, have been denied the Vice Presidency by that conniver Joe Biden, I turn my efforts to making American an even better place to live. Not as the second most powerful personin the world, but as a private citizen. I shall become a senior statesman. In my new role as Senior Statesman At-large, I would like to warn all Americans against a threat that poses great danger to you and to your families. Of course, I am talking about the threat posed by explosives that you might have put in a suitcase and forgot about. Lest you think that you are the kind of person who never forgets where you leave your explosives, the following is a reminder that even most responsible explosives owner can be tripped up by the unexpected . In the following case the owner is foiled by the Grime Reaper. What follows is a cautionary tale from the Associated Press, more or less as reported today in the Hooterville Daily Dish, my hometown paper. I will summarize the important details of that story. Auctioneers in Mayflower, Arkansas, were making preparations to auction off the belongings of a recently deceased Navy veteran. One of the items for sale, was an old suitcase which was stuck shut, its latches rusted and its contents unknown. Being professional auctioneers and not just someone's knuckle-headed cousins, the auctioneers decided to crack the suitcase open, to see what was weighing it down. The 'what' turned out to be a load of military explosives. I think I read that all former military personnel are required to keep a load of explosives on their premises in case of national emergency, but I could be wrong about that. The quick thinking auctioneers called the Conway Fire Department, which dispatched a bomb squad to deal with the potentially explosive mess. In the end all ended well, with no one being blown to bits. Even the auction went off as planned. Quoting from the AP story. Deputies continued to investigate the incident, but charges weren't likely as the presumed owner of the explosives is dead, he (Faulkner County sheriff's office Maj. Andy Shock) said. I think we can all agree that the hallmark of professional law enforcers is not charging dead people with crimes. Please heed these words of warning, again from the AP story. But just in case there was any doubt, Faulkner County Sheriff Karl Byrd made sure to stress that owning dynamite or plastic explosives without permission is "definitely illegal." Unless, of course, you are dead at the time. Things in this blog represented to be fact, may or may not actually be true. The writer is frequently wrong, sometimes just full of it, but always judgmental and cranky

5 comments:

Kurt said...

Where do I get permission?

Steve said...

I would love to know how they forced open the suitcase. Do you think they just banged against the latches with a big rock? That probably did wonders for the stability of the explosives.

Steve said...

p.s. -- I would definitely have voted for you.

Reya Mellicker said...

As a senior statesman, will you write a best selling book and go on a lecture tour? Please?

bitchlet said...

They found live bombs on trees here. I like to think it was staged.