I'm Seeing A Happy New Year In Your Future

I have to tell you, and I am not bragging or anything, my gigantic head is crammed with facts about stuff. Now, that is not to say that it makes me smart or makes me Rainman or anything, it is just that I remember crap. Not the details of important events, or the important things the lovely Mrs. Sneed often tells me, but mundane stuff, like the original disclaimer for Crest toothpaste.

Crest has been shown to be an effective decay-preventive dentifrice, that can be of significant value, when used in a comprehensive applied program of oral hygiene and regular professional care.

See what I mean? I always figured that this would serve me well when I made my big appearance on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, hosted by the beautiful and talented Meredith Vieira. But alas, Meredith has forsaken me for the Today Show, so that is an opportunity lost. I suppose someone will step up to fill her tastefully-appointed shoes, but it won't be the same without her.

I dreaded the real possibility that once seated in Hot Seat, I would be tripped up by a question that began, This rap star....and ended with the answer being, Lil Scrappy. Not ,how long does it take for the light from the sun to reach Earth, (about 8.3 minutes) or who was the only US president to serve 2 non-consecutive terms (Grover Cleveland), but some current pop culture factiod. I would be screwed.

Millions of Americans would be saying to one another, "Hey can you believe that Merle guy on Millionaire, hosted by the beautiful and talented Meridith Vieira, blew the million because he didn't know Justin Timberlake? What a loser."

So this morning while perusing a list of what's in and what's out according to The Washington Post's style section, I was struck by the fact that I had no idea what they were talking about, in most cases.

For example, Fall Out Boy is (or is it are?) out, Cold War Kids are (or is it is?) in. Prepsters out, Fops in. Kiki and Herb, so over. Little Edie Beale, the bomb. Malls with Pac Sun, nope. Malls with Hollister, you betcha. And on and on. I got nothing. This list would mean the same to me if it had been written in Mandarin Chinese.

So what's my point here? I don't have the faintest idea really, so how about some predictions for the New Year? I don't have psychic powers or anything, but neither do professional psychics, so here goes.

In 2007 I predict:

1. A poll will indicate that the average American believes that while they are doing okay personally, they are worried about the health of the economy and its effect on others.

2. A prominent American politician will be implicated in a sex-related scandal.

3. Scientists will not conclusively prove that tornadoes are attracted to trailer parks by some link to aluminum, although anecdotal evidence will continue to point that way.

4. Officials will be concerned about the bird flu and local TV reporters will solemnly ask the question, Could bird flu strike here and just how prepared are we? By the way, the answers are maybe and not very.

5. Studies will show that where ever you live things are below the national average, unless they are bad things, in which case they are above the national average.

6. People will continue to clamor for affordable health care. The newly empowered Democrats will make it a priority and will succeed in making matters even worse.

7. Paris Hilton, Madonna, Linsay Lohan and Brittney Spears will all do or say something stupid or embarrassing. Disclaimer: I think I could identify Madonna on sight, but the other three look the same to me.

8. A prominent entertainer, athlete or politician will go into rehab. The publicist for the celebrity will assure an adoring public that he, she or it became addicted to painkillers after surgery from a skiing accident. Bonus prediction: Several important world figures will also die this year.

9. A survey will show that Americans resolve to pay down their debt. They mostly won't.

10. Merle Sneed will continue to complain about stuff, mostly his crappy job.

So that's it.

Merle.


Urgent Update!! Dateline Las Vegas. This just in from the Las Vegas Review-Journal. One down three to go with respect to prediction 7.





Things in this blog represented to be fact, may or may not actually be true. The writer is frequently wrong, sometimes just full of it, but always judgemental and cranky


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