Nov 3, 2006

Haggard, Ted not Merle

One of these men is a scoundrel with a penchant for the fast life. The other is a famous country singer. Merle Haggard - Country music legend, fine American Ted Haggard - Skunk There is almost nothing better than seeing some pious blowhard get caught with his pants down, literally. You know it is one thing to have the human frailties that we all have, its another to enrich yourself by pretending that you have a corner on moral living. I, of course, am thinking today about Ted Haggard, one of Time Magazine's 25 most influential evangelicals in America and I am reminded of the Merle Haggard song, Branded Man, about a guy who will always be saddled with his past. Unless you are living in a cave without internet access or home paper delivery, you know something about Pastor Ted and his current problems. Pastor Ted and his spin machine are desperately trying to fend off charges that the good Reverend was having a sexual relationship with a male prostitute. Oh yeah, plus he's been buying meth. You just can't make this stuff up. The problem for old Ted is that he has made his mark by bashing gay couples, claiming science is bunk and promoting his version of the one true family. I visited Ted's very fine website, for his very fine church and read the "What we believe" section. I have to say there is no mention of meth or prostitutes in the articles of faith, so for sure, Ted has strayed, as they say. The reason for Ted's vehement denial seems obvious. Ted is sitting on millions of bucks and doesn't really want to have to go the tent revival route to stay in the game. So, he and his team are doing a Kabuki dance with the flock and the public. The truth is coming out in agonizing dribbles. Ted claimed yesterday that it was all a lie, a damnable lie, don't even know the guy, never met him, stop asking. Despite it being a lie, added Ted, he was going to step down as the Grand Poobah of the New Life Church and the national evangelical board he once headed. Just to get some guidance mind you, not an admission of guilt or anything. Still a damnable lie, though, and still never even heard of what's-his-name. Today, word is out that old Ted admits knowing the guy and buying some meth from him and even getting a massage from the male hooker. But, and this is important, he claims he never used the meth and for sure never had sex with that man, Monica Lewinski, er, Mike Jones. I believe that story failed the last time a guy tried it. In a few days, it should all prove to be true. Ted will come clean on everything, throw out the Flip Wilson defense (the devil made me do it) and he will begin to rehabilitate himself by appearing on TV shows everywhere, where he will cry and carry on. It will be a sight to behold. As I see it, the deal is this. Temptation is, well, tempting and humans often act on their temptations, even when it seems ludicous that they would, given the downside. But the issue here is not temptation or human weaknesses. Pastor Ted's fatal failing is not that he might have engaged the services of this man or that he bought and might have used drugs. It is that he has viciously attacked ordinary people over their lifestyle, portrayed himself as an example to be followed, fanned the flames of bigotry among those who would follow him and in the end was just full of crap. Here's hoping old Ted follows Jim Bakker and Jimmy Swaggart into obscurity. The road to hell is paved not only with good intentions, as my mom used to remind me, but with pious blowhards. Here's also hoping that the 14,000 true believers in Colorado Springs, who hung on this louse's every word, get a clue and take some responsibility for their own thinking, rather than chasing after a charlatan. Merle (Sneed not Haggard) Things in this blog represented to be fact, may or may not actually be true. The writer is frequently wrong, sometimes just full of it, but always judgemental and cranky Tag:

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