Oky, I'm In

Update: Sorry for the many typos that appeared in earlier versions of this post. I was interupted in mid-edit by an urgent call from my attorney, Lex Vermillion, asking that I come down to the office asap to sign some court papers related to this matter and I had to rush off.

The lying sister


I had a big announcement to make today but that media-hog Barack Obama had to step all over it, announcing his candidacy for president. Well, excuse me Barack, but move the hell over.

The following is the text of an announcement I had planned for later this morning had not certain people stole my thunder. The press conference has been cancelled and the statement will be issued to all news reporting outlets by blog intern Stuie Knox.

URGENT - For immediate release - 1100 GMT (-7h), Our Fair City, AZ

Distinguished invited guests, members of the media and ladies and gentlemen of the public, I appreciate you gathering with Stuie and me this morning. I have an important announcement to make but first I want to share a few preparatory thoughts.

These past few days have been a difficult time for the MerleSneed blog family. As you know Anna Nicole Smith passed away a few days ago. Gosh, has it been only a few days, it seems an eternity?

During this time of grief, opportunists have emerged, claiming to be the father of Anna Nicole's newborn child. These include that lying liar Larry Birkhead, the predatory, Howard K.(not the radio guy) Stern and the nut job Prince Zsa Zsa Garbor's husband. This morning I'm sadden to report that Anna Nicole's skank half-sister is claiming that the child is a product of the dead guy's frozen semen. Liars, one and all.

Stuie Knox and I first met Anna Nicole in the early 1990s while we were on a fact-finding trip in the greater Houston, Texas area. We encountered Anna Nicole, who identified herself as Peaches in those days, at a place called Gigi's, which Stuie assured me was a French restaurant, although it turned out to be a nudie bar. These things happen.

During several private sessions with Peaches, Stuie and I discovered that Peaches shared our passion for astral travel. Peaches was very interested in deepening her knowledge and asked us if we were affiliated with or subscribed to any particular formal group of like-minded thinkers. We introduced her to Deensism. You can learn a bit about Deensism here. I cannot go into the details of these sessions as they are private religious matters that must be kept secret from everyone except 7th-level travelers, which is none of you

Over the years, Stuie, Anna Nicole and I have met on hundreds of occasions in the other dimensions. Mostly, we spent time reflecting on matters of existence and deepening our understanding of the mysteries of Deensism. But there was more too.

One time, quite recently, Stuie had a bad case of the runs and wasn't up to stepping out, so Anna Nicole and I were on our own. I will not sully her memory by relaying the details of our encounter, but let's just say it was more fun without Stuie tagging along. Besides, Deensism is murky on the whole afterlife thing, so she may be lurking around waiting to scare the pants off me (figuratively speaking, that is), so I'll just keep it to myself.

So today, I throw my hat into the ring and claim fathership of the child born to Peaches, er Anna Nicole. I proclaim that the baby was conceived by us in another dimension and time. I wish to raise her and promise to guard her trust funds as though they were my own.

Thank you for coming here today. Stuie is available to answer questions.

M. Sneed.









Things in this blog represented to be fact, may or may not actually be true. The writer is frequently wrong, sometimes just full of it, but always judgemental and cranky


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