Grass, grass and more grass

I'm done talking about Anna Nicole Smith. Anything I have left to say will be reserved for the court battle that looms.

We celebrated Older Son Sneed's thirty-fourth birthday this morning by meeting for breakfast. As usual, it was very pleasant. We are so proud of Older Son Sneed.

Now for something that is not pleasant at all. That is Bermuda grass, which is not native to Bermuda, but that is another story.

We live in the desert but the dumb asses who move here insist upon planting grass. Let's review the benefits of non-native grasses. They use precious water, require cutting and trimming, they compete for resources and crowd out native plants. Apart from that they are very desirable. Additionally, most of the aforementioned dumb asses don't take proper care of their lawn, so their grass turns into a browned-out mess. Plus, Bermuda puts out runners and winds up where it doesn't belong, usually someone else's yard. Which brings me to my point, which isn't about idiots who plant grass, but rather about some grass which has invaded my yard in another way.

I spent four hours today, pulling up grass from the side of our house where it has taken up root. This grass belongs to the woman who used to live across the street and I would love to give it back but she moved away or rather was carted away.

Our former neighbor was a mental patient, who someone wrongly decided could live independently. I don't recall how many years she lived across the way, but it was always tumultuous. She had a trust fund and good-for-nothing live-in boyfriend who stayed as long as he could ride the gravy train. When her mental health woes got really out of control, he bugged out, only to return when things calmed down.

During the time she lived across from us there were several major incidents involving her delusions. Once we had the SWAT team surround her house and drag her out, because she barricaded herself in and they feared she might harm herself or others.

Another time she destroyed everything in the house that was electrical because she believed that they emitted rays that messed with her mind. Once she came over at midnight to complain that our computer was sending out annoying rays and bothering her dog. She once took the hose and washed down the inside of her house.

The thing that finally got her locked up for good was when she went to the bank down the street and pulled the electrical wiring out of some woman's car. When the woman objected to the destruction of her car, our neighbor beat the crap out of her.

For some reason she kept parrots, giant parrots and plenty of them. When she cleaned their cages, it was her habit to throw the debris, including seeds of all sorts in the front yard. Her yard was soon crawling with grasses and ours shortly after that.

So, while the old gal is locked up somewhere, having fights with the people there and some who are not really there, her gift to us just keeps on giving.



Things in this blog represented to be fact, may or may not actually be true. The writer is frequently wrong, sometimes just full of it, but always judgemental and cranky


Tag: Daily Life
Personal Finance
Humor