May 23, 2011


“Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”--Mae West


Our hardware store is located in a lower middle class area. We get more than the average number of drunks and druggies visiting the store, many intent on shoplifting themselves some stuff.

Last Friday I noticed a guy at the end of the plumbing aisle, crouching down with a box on the floor.  I assumed he was trying to figure out something, so I ambled that way.

As I neared him he stood up, back to me and appeared to be shoving something down his pants.  Since he didn't see me approach, he reached into the box and started to stuff something else.

 "Excuse me sir, what did you stuff into you pants?"

"Oh, hell, here it is."  He pulled a complete two-handled kitchen faucet from his pants. "Give me a break man, the faucet in my trailer is leaking and I don't have the money to fix it."

"You can't steal from us, get out of the store."

So he left.  We have given up on calling the police, since they don't care.

The leaking faucet story, besides being irrelevant to the act of shoplifting, was B.S.  We found another empty faucet box last week and I'm sure he stole that one, too.

In honor of my guy with the faucet in his pants, I give you Mae West.

















Things in this blog represented to be fact, may or may not actually be true. The writer is frequently wrong, sometimes just full of it, but always judgmental and cranky

7 comments:

Kurt said...

What a coincidence. I just got a great deal on a new faucet on craigslist!

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

Ewwww! I'm going to start buying hand sanitizer when I have to pick something up from the store.

The Bug said...

LOL - that's just sad. And seems a really SLOW way to make money - steal a faucet a day?

Megan said...

At least it wasn't a pistol packin' mama you had to confront.

Barbara said...

Does Ace ever attempt to calculate how much they lose in your store to shoplifting on a average day. I'll bet it would be significant.

So why was he stealing faucets if his wasn't broken? Is there a black market for plumbing supplies?!

Steve said...

Apparently stealing baby formula is a very common occurrence, and people often have pity on the thieves because they think they need the formula. But it turns out that there's an INCREDIBLE resale market for stolen baby formula. Just sayin.'

Bella Rum said...

Faucets? Who knew? I thought human hair was the latest craze for thieves.

Be careful, Merle. Faucet thieves can be a dangerous lot when confronted.