Nov 18, 2009

(AP Photo/Paul Sakuma) The price of a box of Eggo frozen waffles hit $172 on the Chicago Mercantile Exchange earlier today, on fears of further disruption in the nation's frozen waffle supply. Skip Kenderson, a waffle futures trader for the securties firm, Blanche, Kenderson and Wallie, noted that cuts in production at two of Kellogg's four Eggo bakeries are behind this run up in prices. "This is the most unstable market conditions we have seen since the Ford administration instituted price controls in the 1970s," said Kenderson. Kenderson predicted that short of a miracle, America's dependence on imported waffles would reach record levels by early 2010. "This is a setback for us all. America has always been the leader in frozen waffle technology and a supply disruption means that Asian waffle exporters, particularly Chinese makers, can flood the market with cheap imports. Millie Caruzo, a mother of six in Duluth, said that she would definitely be open to buying imported waffles if it comes to that, despite concerns about health and safety issues. "Look, I have six kids and we can't do without our frozen waffles. Sure I've heard the stories, but this whole lead thing is way overblown, if you're asking me," Caruzo said. In Washington, President Obama summoned Kellogg's senior managers to brief him on the crisis. Possible steps include an Executive order instructing Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano to develop a plan to close the borders to prevent Eggos from being smuggled out of the country. Presidential spokesman, Chester A. Riley, would not rule out federal intervention to get production going again, although he denied that those plans have already been signed off on by Mr. Obama. The American Grocery Board is asking all of its members to be on the look out for hoarders who may be trying to cash in on this shortage. Blaine Magondance, a spokesman for the grocery board said that his members are reporting brisk sales on Eggos and that most stores are completely out of the delicious breakfast treat. "I can't say that we have any hard evidence of organized criminal activity surrounding the rapidly shrinking waffle supply, but we are being vigilant," Magondance told reporters Wednesday. Not all the news was bad, however. Stores in the Texas panhandle and the southern portion of Oklahoma, report that they have on average, a 9-month supply of Eggos. "We don't eat that shit much out this way,"' said Buddy Jones, Jr., mayor of Waddle Springs, an oil town north of Amarillo. "It's business as usual here in beautiful Texas and we invite everyone to come down here and stock up." Kellogg VP Mindy James told reporters that she doesn't expect this shortage to be resolved until the summer of 2010, at the earliest. That news had a chilling effect at the Democratic National Committee headquarters, where an unnamed staffer said, "Dude, if this thing drags into the fall, we're so f*cked in the mid-terms." Things in this blog represented to be fact, may or may not actually be true. The writer is frequently wrong, sometimes just full of it, but always judgmental and cranky

12 comments:

Ronda Laveen said...

Poor Waddle Springs will never be the same with the influx of waffle hunters. Oh, "mid-terms"...on my first read I caught it as "interns."

Barbara said...

At first I took this seriously! There are people who would be just that distraught if robbed of their precious processed food. We've become a country quite happy to eat out of a microwaved box. How sad!

Kurt said...

One of several meaningless stories I saw on CNN while working out at the gym. Also, they had security footage of some guy at a store.

Bella Rum said...

Never tasted them.

Catskill Snap said...

I make the best French toast and my spouse makes the best pancakes. We don't give a damn about waffles.

Catskill Snap said...

Wait--Kurt works out at the gym? (I love any tidbit of info on Kurt's life.) I wonder if he likes French toast.

Merle Sneed said...

This news put a serious mark on Kurt's reputation as a total slacker.

Megan said...

My freezer still isn't working properly, anyway.

Megan said...

P.S. This post is hilarious!

The Bug said...

I don't care what you say - I want my waffles! Maybe I'll quit if they go up to $300 per box...

Steve said...

Merle, you should write for The Onion!

Annie Ha said...

Now I want some Eggos.