Perhaps you've heard of Pei Wei Asian Diner. It is owned by the PF Chang China Bistro people. Both companies are headquartered in Scottsdale, AZ., which I think we can all agree is the hotbed for Asian cuisine. If you never heard of either, it doesn't matter because they are incidental to this story. I love to say ridiculous things, just to see what people will say. I especially love it when they take me seriously. For instance, I used to work with a woman named Marie, who was one of the most earnest people I've ever met. She was as serious as a heart attack about life in general and her job in particular. Things were made better, because she was bitter that she was toiling her life away with losers like me, rather than being the titan of industry that she thought she deserved. When I worked with Marie at Tedious Systems, I got a project to work on, for a new Pei Wei (pronounced Pay Way) location. I had never heard of Pei Wei before that. I happened to mention to someone that I had this job to do and I mispronounced the name as Pee Wee, or something. Poor Marie came into my cubicle and solemnly told me that it was pronouncedPay Way's Asian Diner, not Pee Wee. Marie was forever trying to save me from my ignorant hill billy roots and didn't want me embarrassing myself or Tedious. Why, I can't imagine. From that day forward, at least until she gave me up as hopeless, I made it a point to mangle the name at every opportunity. I manufactured opportunities to do it. Pee Wee's Oriental Grill was my favorite mangle. For about the first twenty-five times Marie patiently corrected me, though. Two bits of hardware news. One, my arch nemesis, "Double Starbucks Mocha, Don't F*ck with My Break", quit today. She is moving to a state far, far away to get married. Her marriage gives hope to bridge trolls everywhere. Secondly, a guy called the store this morning to complain that we had overcharged him for something. I took the call. He told me that he was reconciling his receipts this morning and he noticed that we charged him $1.99 for a irrigation part. As a side note, if you sit at home, gathering all your receipts together, in order to check them for errors, you need a hobby. Anyway, the guy wanted me to double check the price he paid. I did and told him it was right. This is what followed. Him: $1.99? That's almost twice what I paid for the same thing at Home Depot yesterday. Me: Yeah, probably so. Him: That's too much. Me: Bring them back and we'll refund your money. Him: I already used one. Me: Too late now then. Him: What are you going to do about it? Me: Not much. Want to talk to the manager? Him: No, but I'll never shop with you again. Me: I'm sorry about that. Him: Here's a joke. What's the difference between an Ace Hardware store and a Home Depot? At Ace, there's no place for the employees to hide. You can have the lowest price or the best service. You can't have both. Things in this blog represented to be fact, may or may not actually be true. The writer is frequently wrong, sometimes just full of it, but always judgmental and cranky