Mar 20, 2009

When the US invaded Iraq, we didn't find any nuclear, chemical or biological weapons, but we found something more fearsome than any of those. We found that Saddam had amassed packs of these beasts and was preparing to unleash them on our homes. One of the problems with working in a hardware store is that your friends ask questions, or worse yet, ask for favors. Since I am a customer-focused kind of guy I don't mind favors, unless thaey are unreasonable requests, masquerading as favors. A couple of weeks ago a guy named Dave came up to me at bowling and said that he understood that I worked in a hardware store. He wanted to know which one. A couple of days later, Dave showed up in the store and asked that someone come outside with him and carry in his screen door. Dave has medical issues tha make carrying the door impossible. Dave has a beagle puppy, which if you've ever owned one, you know, is a weapon of mass destruction. Our former dog, the terrible beagle Sadie, could hear water running in the irrigation pipes and she would dig them up and chew holes in them. Dave's dog destroyed the screen in his door and broke the rollers of it by repeatedly bashing into it. She firmly believes that she is an inside dog, 24/7. Poor Dave can't leave her in unattended because she destroys whatever she come across. As a side note, the dog ate Dave's shoes while he was bringing in the door. Dave wanted us to rescreen his door and put on new rollers. Then he hit me with the favor part. Figure out a way to keep the mutt from ruining the door again. Several things occurred to me immediately, but Dave neither wanted to give away the monster or shoot it. I showed Dave some grills that can be attached to the door to protect the screen, but they were too small. Beagles are leapers. Put an obstacle in their way and they will jump to evade it. Anyway, long story short, I have been wracking my brain for the last two weeks trying to solve the problem. I even went to other stores looking for inspiration, to no avail. Finally, I think I have an idea. Hopefully tomorrow I will finish the damn thing and Dave can get it out of my life. My coworkers were full of helpful suggestions like, don't do favors, just say no and tell him it is impossible. They all were eager to tell me how they would have handled it. Things in this blog represented to be fact, may or may not actually be true. The writer is frequently wrong, sometimes just full of it, but always judgmental and cranky

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Snoopy Approves This Message.

Adrianne said...

Maybe he should consider purchasing a doggy crate, which could be Sadie's safe spot when Dave can't monitor her?

Adrianne said...

Ooops. Sadie was your beagle, not Dave's. Sorry. My brain is fried from this past week at work.

JGH said...

So what's your idea??! When I was housetraining my puppy, my vet said that when I see the mess I should get upset not at the puppy, but at the mess itself. I found myself yelling and growling at piles of poop!

The pet stores sell some kind of repellent sprays, but I've never tried them.

Barbara said...

Yeah, I say crate the beagle until s/he is about 18 months old. By then hopefully the dog will have forgotten how to be destructive. Not that I could ever have done that. We just endured repeated attack on our remote controls, our rugs, our shoes, you name it and eventually it stopped. But some dogs are life-long chewers. As for leaping against the door, how about a doggie door that would make that unnecessary?

Kurt said...

Please post the solution.

mouse (aka kimy) said...

have to crack up at your description of beagles - so true! a beagle named sam was the only type of dog my family of origin had - it caused my mother to forbid ever having another dog....

you are such a good egg!

Reya Mellicker said...

Awwww, beagles are so cute. Isn't Snoopy a beagle? Who knew they were so nefarious?

And you, Merle, you're just good. That's all. Just plain old GOOD.

Steve said...

I can't wait to see a photo of your solution! (I'm thinking solid metal door. The heck with screen.)