Dec 5, 2008

I'm Pulling For The Rats

This is the Woodstream M201 Victor Rat Trap, the mother of all rat killers. If this baby snaps on you (assuming you are a rat), all hope is lost. This trap is not some puny mousie trap, it is a big mother. It can break a finger if you aren't careful. It retails for three bucks in our store and can be had on the internet for about two. To me three bucks is small change if you need to kill you some rats. I personally wouldn't, but I respect your right to make your own decisions with respect to vermin eradication. Sometimes our customers take advantage of our helpful nature, either because they are clueless, or feel entitled. Sometimes a guy is just an old pain-in-the-ass, with too much time on his hands and obivious to the fact that some people are actually working. Case in point. This morning, bright and early, I was talking to the boss and one of my coworkers, when an old guy approached us carrying what must have been the original prototype for the Woodstream M201 Victor Rat Trap. It was old and worn out. Its wood was cracking and its metal parts rusty. Clearly it was well past its useful life. The guy asked me, and I am not making this up, if I could fix the petal which holds down the snap when the trap is armed? He claimed that he could fix but he can't see that well and doesn't want to lose a finger. I assumed that he was joking with me, so I went and fetched him a new Woodstream M201 Victor Rat Trap. No dice, he really wanted it fixed. I looked around to find that my coworkers had abandoned me. The boss later confided that they both saw him coming and beat feet because they know how he is, which you will recall is a, an old pain-in-the-ass with too much time on his hands and no respect for other people's time. I tried to tell the guy that the trap was worn out, but he insisted that it still had a lot of life in it, (or death if you are a rat). I explained to him that a new one would only set him back three bucks. He looked at me like I said the stupidest thing he has heard in a while and he asked me why he should spend three bucks to replace a perfectly good Woodstream M201 Victor Rat Trap? My inclination was to tell him to beat it, but that's not how we roll down in the hardware store. Unfortunately. Instead, I bent and twisted the little petal, this way and that until it held the snap in the armed position. With a final lecture about the virtues of not buying needless new stuff, off he went to do battle with the rodents. I'm betting the next time I see him he will have maimed his fingers. At least I can hope so. Things in this blog represented to be fact, may or may not actually be true. The writer is frequently wrong, sometimes just full of it, but always judgmental and cranky

12 comments:

Megan said...

Go, rats, go!

Adrianne said...

I sure am glad that *your* fingers came out of that ridiculous business unscathed! I'm constantly amazed at how many pinheads there are in the world. I suppose that I shouldn't be, in light of the fact that I live in our nation's capital, but still.

Reya Mellicker said...

I can't believe you were able to fix the rat trap. Damn. You're so good.

tut-tut said...

Sainthood is not out of the question for you.

Coffee Messiah said...

What did you expect him do?

He has a real "antique" there. ; )

Squirrel said...

yes, sainthood is right - you are sooo patient.!!!

Nan Patience said...

what do you MEAN you wouldn't kill a rat.

Did the man with the rat trap drive off in a mercedes by any chance?

Kurt said...

Patience? When you are a lackey for the Man, what choice do you have but to do what the Man says.

Julia said...

What?! I thought you were supposed to pick that thing up and throw the whole thing away, rat and all. I've never used one of these, but if I did I would be too squeamish to pry it apart and release the dead rat.

Barbara said...

I just need to kill a small mouse -- hopefully with one quick snap. Is the Victor overkill for such a small rodent?

Steve said...

I hope he doesn't maim his fingers and then come back and sue you for fixing the trap "incorrectly."

(Of course, any judge in his/her right mind would say to the plaintiff, "You asked the defendant to repair a used RAT TRAP???" and dismiss the case.)

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

You should have charged him $4 for fixing the trap!

We keep our vermin in cages and feed them snacks. I couldn't imagine them stuck in one of those horrible ratraptions!