Jammin' with the Cellphones

What do you call a million inconsiderate cellphone users at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.

July is Cell Phone Courtesy Month, at least according to the cell phone industry. But as I like to say, you can lead an a-hole to water, but you can't make him get off the phone long enough to drink.

I was at my Starbucks this morning and the soccer mom in front of me and the third-night-assistant-relief manager at Radio Shack, behind me were both talking on the phone. Terribly important stuff.

Mom was talking right up until she got to the register, then she hung up the phone. I thought she was onboard with the whole Cell Phone Courtesy Month thing, until the phone rang and her kid answered it for her. Kid passed the phone to Mom and she began a game of cellphone charades, trying to order and talk on the phone at the same time.

Later in the day I went to a major electronics retailer to drop off something for repair. While I waited in line behind a woman, also talking on her phone, I heard a cellphone ringing. Without missing a beat she reached into her purse, pulled out another phone and began to have two conversations, alternating from one to the other. I'm not kidding. When it got to be her turn at the counter, she waved at a guy standing nearby, who took her place and explained what she needed while she continued to do the babbling two-step. How important must you be to need two cellphones?

Since cellphone courtesy month is being ignored by those most in need of observing it, I implore all concerned Americans to consider investing in a pocket-size cell phone jammer. This device allows you to interrupt cellphone communications in your general vicinity. Not that anyone would actually do this, it being illegal and all.

It's technically a violation of FCC regulations and subject to an $11,000 fine, to use a jammer, but think of the "hypothetical" satisfaction you will derive from "hypothetically" messing with some yammering ninny. There is the possibility that you can mess up someone's pacemaker or interrupt an important police call, but if anyone drops you can simply bug out. If you were to do such an uncivilized thing.

Oh, and you have to buy the jammer from some guys in Israel and maybe England, because, again technically, it is illegal to sell them in the United States. But still not that much of a sacrifice, for a hardened criminal, not that any of us are.

Here is a link that explains how jammers work. The author mentions not using a cellphone or a jammer at a gas pump due to the dager of sparking a fire. That part is wrong as anyone who watches Myth Busters knows. Other than that, it's a pretty good explanation.

"But", you might be saying, "Why should I risk a hypothetical $11,000 fine so that Sneed can have a little peace and quiet?" Good question.

Nathan Hale, before he was hanged, said, "I regret that I have but one life to give for my country." Makes $11,000 seem petty doesn't it?

Here's a link to a New York Times story on the subject, in which they reinforce the illegality of this dastardly deed.

The moment is upon us to take back our peace and quiet and return a bit of civility to daily life. The greatest revolutions began with the determination of a single individual. Be that person. "Hypothetically" speaking.


Note to the FCC, the DOJ, the FBI, the CIA, the FAA, the FDA, the AAPR and the EIEIO. Merle Sneed would never actually use a cellphone jammer and is not responsible for what his rowdy friends might do.








Things in this blog represented to be fact, may or may not actually be true. The writer is frequently wrong, sometimes just full of it, but always judgmental and cranky