In a move to reassert Catholicism as an important religious force, Pope Benedict has reauthorized use of the old Latin Mass as an acceptable alternative to the Mass in the local vernacular.
Old, old Catholics from Buffalo to Chicago cheered the move as long overdue. Most Catholics born after 1925, however, were left wondering why this is important and exactly what Latin is.
"Geez-a-loo,there hasn't been a Latin Mass since the 50s or 60s or something", offered Bill Kressbach, 30-something Catholic, living in Scranton, Pa. "My grandmother knew Latin, but she died in 1968. Me? I know squat about Latin. Besides, I haven't been to church in about 8 or 10 years anyway. I guess I have to say, it doesn't really matter to me."
Others saw the issue as vitally important to the spiritual lives of Catholics everywhere.
Frank Hastings, lifelong member of the Knights of Columbus Council 1609b and Faithful Inner Sentinel in the Knights organization, suggested that dropping the Latin Mass for one in the vernacular was a grave mistake on the Church's part.
"I tellin' ya, da virgin was cryin' tears of saddness da day dey did dat, right der boyo. Many of your social problems can be traced right back der."
Reverend Bazyli Haskiewicz, pastor of the nineteen member Our Lady of the Relics Church, in Parma, Ohio, hailed the news as a great day for his parish for more practical reasons.
He said, "This will lure many fallen away parishioners back to the church. We could see our rolls swell to pre-Vacitan II days, when the parish boasted 45 families, 50 on the holy days. We might put in a second Sunday Mass or even, restart Bingo Night. This is big, really big."
Jewish leaders were less enthusiastic, many fearing that the language of the Latin Mass, which intimated that the Jews were Hell-bound Christ-killers, could inflame old hatreds, further driving a wedge between Catholics and Jews.
"Jesus H., will it ever end? These people just won't give it up. We didn't kill the guy, how many times do we have to go over this?", wondered Rabbi Harold Weinstein of Passaic, NJ.
The Pope has also decreed that Galileo was wrong after all, citing the work of Vatican astronomers who he says have conclusively shown that the Sun revolves around the Earth. The Pope ordered that Galileo's remains be disinterred and that he stand trial again on charges of advocating heliocentrism.
Galileo defenders were quick to point out that if anyone is to blame for the whole what revolves around what mess, it should be Copernicus, not Galileo, who they claim never had an original thought of his own.
Vatican lawyers were quick to dismiss claims that Galileo was simply following the work of earlier heretics as patently untrue.
According to Bruno Rossi, spokesman for the Vatican Legal office, "It's about 600 years too late to peddle that story."
Some, in secular circles, also cheered the Pope's move. Steven Arnold, who operates the Save Our Latin Foundation from a mobile home he shares with his mother in Sidney, Nebraska, had this to say. "Is est super damn vicis", literally, It's about damn time.
"I'm 59 years old and I have a bad heart. The youngsters don't want to learn the Latin anymore. This whole organization is on its last legs here unless someone steps up. This move by Pope Benedict, sure can't hurt."
We await further developments.
Things in this blog represented to be fact, may or may not actually be true. The writer is frequently wrong, sometimes just full of it, but always judgmental and cranky
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3 comments:
A friend took me to her church when I was in my twenties, my first time inside a catholic church--and it was a special Latin Mass... sounded pretty, church pretty, candles pretty. But I had no clue what was going on, but it sounded lovely.
My college roommate asked me if I'd go to Mass with him, so I did. I just remember there was a lot of standing, sitting back down, kneeling, sitting back down again, over and over.
e pluribus unim
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