Me and Brad Are Just Beside Myself

I heard from a guy that Angelina has weighed in on the Madonna adoption situation, saying, "She may call herself Madonna, but I think we all know who the real Madonna is around here." The Holy Mother went on to say that she was personally horrified by the attacks on the, "pretender to the throne" but added that unlike "that faker", she (Angelina) prefers to keep her adoptions immaculate, at least with respect to the paperwork, rather than arranging some shady deal like "that person who wishes she was me". Appearing on ABC Television's, Good Morning America in December, Mother Angelina said that she and her partner, the actor and suspected mortal Brad Pitt, would like to adopt more children to balance their mixed-race family. The following is the exchange as best that it can be recalled anyway, by the guy's mother who was making rum cakes for Christmas and since she drank all the rum, they were just cakes and she might have been drunk. We join it in mid-interview. Jolie: Now the questions are more when you have a mixed-race family, do you balance the races so there's another African person in the house for Z? So there's another Asian person in the house for Mad? Shiloh has Brad and I she can look at. Sawyer (clearly surprised): Me J: So we are thinking...what did you say, Diane? S: I said me. You said, "Shiloh has Brad and I she can look at." It should be Brad and me, that's all. J: Who the (bleep) are you to correct my English? You don't correct me Diane, you got it? You want me to take these (bleeping) kids and the (bleeping) nannies and the bodyguards and Brad and me will walk the hell out of here, is that what you want Diane, you ignorant (bleep)? S: I, its Brad and I, not to split hairs dear. J: That's the end, Diane, we're out of here. Brad get this sideshow together, we're leaving. S: Angelina, I was just...(fade to black). Fade up from commercial. S: And we're back with Angelina Jolie and she was just telling us about how her and Brad are thinking about balancing out their family. Just messing with you Angelina. J: What, huh? Oh, right Diane, we have an Asian kid, an African kid and of course Shiloh, a regular kid. So we're thinking of getting another Asian to balance out the family. That way there would be two Asians, three Caucasians and an African. Everyone would have someone to look up to. S: Who would Zahara look up to? J: We are still working out the details Diane, these things are complicated. There's me and Shiloh and Brad, then there's Maddox and the new Asian one, and Zaraha and, and...sh*t. Well ,irregardless Diane, it's a balancing act. S: This like shooting fish in a barrel. J: No, myself and Brad...Brad and me are...Damn you, Sawyer...We, hah!, we are committed to keeping the fish swimming free, Diane. We don't think anything with a face should be caged up. S: What doesn't have a face, and how can you cage a fish? J: Whatever. Angelina went on to explain that having all these kids is no walk in the park. It costs a lot of money to raise kids in the modern world and as you get more kids, you have to increase the staff and then there is just a lot of stuff you don't really realize, like birthdays and diapers and the nannies fighting and flirting with Brad and stuff. She said that her and Brad are committed to working night jobs if necessary, to balance their family. She also denied that the couple was thinking of adopting the entire pre-adolescent population of the nation of Sao Tome and Principe, one of the smallest of the African countries. The Prime Minister of Sao Tome and Principe, speaking through a translator in his native Portuguese said, "If I catch those two nut jobs in my country, I'll lock their asses up. Sheeit, with all our oil money, we can buy and sell those hicks" Merle Sneed reporting what a guy named Stuie at Walmart said that his mom saw on TV. Jolie/Pitt legal teams please read the following disclaimer. Things in this blog represented to be fact, may or may not actually be true. The writer is frequently wrong, sometimes just full of it, but always judgemental and cranky Tag: Daily Life Personal Finance Humor