Hell Yes, I Killed The ....

In a shocking revelation, OJ Simpson reveals that he has finally found the real killer of Nicole Brown and Ronald Goldman. It took ten years of golfing, partying and whoring around but he's finally done it. The real killer is (drum roll please) OJ Simpson! Apparently the piece of crap has written a book...what the hell am I saying, he can't read, let alone write. Someone has written a book to which his contribution was to describe exactly how he did it. This is all very hypothetical of course because he making a non-confession confession. He isn't saying he did it, but he is offering an explanation of how he would have done it, if he had done it. Get it? What kind of A-hole writes a book implying, while not quite admitting, what anyone with more than s**t for brains, already knew. That he is a murdering scumbag. This cynical pig did it strictly for the money. He beat the rap, so its time to cash in. Plus the folks at Fox News have decided to pimp this ho, in a two-part interview later this month. Not that I am suggesting it, but no one would be saddened if someone put one in his big melon. Since he is immune from the law the world would be a better place, should someone step up. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Anyone? Perhaps the hapless 12 that got back at "the man" by letting this moron off will finally see the light. But if they did see the light, they would no doubt report it as a UFO, based on their track record anyway. This is a post-verdict statement from a juror, identified only as Juror R. That is this is what she would have said, if she actually had said it. I hear she's writing a book to clarify the actual statement. Sh*t no, OJ Simpson didn't do it. Johnnie Cochrane showed us that glove that the aliens dropped from their mothership and Mark Furman was drivin' it or something, and it did not fit, not the space ship, the glove didn't fit. Furman probably threw that glove behind the guest house because it didn't fit OJ, the glove not the spaceship, and 'cause we didn't get to see the spaceship anyway, we just got to see the glove and that's reasonable doubt, right there. And so the saga of OJ Simpson, world-class dirtbag and murdering jackass continues. To think that I tried to convince the lovely Mrs. Sneed to name our first child after him. What was I thinking? In other creepy celebrity news, I saw this link to an exchange between Larry King and Rosanne Barr about the Internet. Evidently, Barr was a guest on King's show. Larry King doesn't believe in the internet. I wouldn't know because I wouldn't watch King if he was interviewing actual aliens emerging from their actual spaceship to kill Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman, while OJ fought valiantly to stop them. The man is an parody of himself. Watching Larry King is like watching a bad actor impersonating Larry King at the community dinner theater. Add to it, the towering intellect of Roseanne Barr, and you get a circus of fools. Anyway, I have to go bowl with the other old guys. Merle. Things in this blog represented to be fact, may or may not actually be true. The writer is frequently wrong, sometimes just full of it, but always judgemental and cranky Tag: Daily Life Personal Finance Humor