There wasn't any stinking Sneed Days

We're back and none too soon if you ask me. As a side note, I just discovered the hard way, that if you don't weigh yourself in a couple of months, it is possible to have gained ten pound accidently. As I noted in the previous post, I picked up the lovely Mrs. Sneed from the hospital where she works and we headed to the airport Wednesday evening for our trip to Las Vegas. As usual, I was worried about getting there on time. But it turned out that I needn't have been concerned. We had no sooner cleared the cracker jack airport security screening area, than the fine folks at Southwest Airlines announced that our plane would be late. In fact at it's scheduled arrival time here in our fair city, it was sitting in Ontario, California, the pilot having misplaced the keys to the plane or something. Eventually, it arrived and we were on our way, no worse for the wear. Expecting a warm reception from dignitaries of the Las Vegas community because of the rumored Sneed Days festivities, we eagerly deplaned and rushed to the lower level of the terminal. We looked for someone holding a banner, some balloons, or at a least someone in a chauffuer's uniform holding up a cardboard Sneed sign. Things were surprisingly subdued, no fanfare, no crowd of well-wishers, no Dixieland band, no nothing. When we did find the Sneed driver, he turned out to be looking for my archnemesis, Beryl and his slutty wife Penny. We managed to find backup transportation in the person of a recent immigrant from the Cameroon, who failed to recognize the Sneeds as savvy Las Vegas regulars, and took us the long way to the strip, tacking an extra $7 on the cab fare. This is a trick the cabbies in Vegas are regularly busted for by the Taxi Authority. My indignant call to the Yellow-Checker-Star Transportation company was futile. The fellow who answered the phone basically told me that there was no accounting for some of these drivers and that he would appreciate me hanging up because he was busy. A nasty email to the Nevada State Taxi Cab Authority followed. There was also some sort of a mix up at the Luxor, because while we expected that the Sneed Days celebration would warrant a grand suite or other deluxe accomodations, all that was available was a standard room on the ninth floor, so we made the best of the situation. By the way, there is standard and then there is standard. At the Luxor, things are definitely standard. It was curious that as special guests we had to produce a credit card at check in. The perks that were made available to us as honored guests were many, almost too many to list. Here are just a couple highlights. On Thursday evening we were the special guests of the Mirage Hotel, for Love, Cirque du Soleil's tribute to the music of the Beatles. We had terrific seats on the aisle in the 7th row and while the tickets were part of the gala Sneed Days celebration, we did have to pay a modest $125 service fee per ticket. The show was terrific. Throughout our stay, we were offered free drinks in all the casinos by attentive waitresses and at the buffets, we were accorded unlimited eating, including a fine selection of deserts, all for one modest price. During the remainder of the trip we ate too much, gambled too much, stayed up too late and made fun of too many people. Why do tourists in Las Vegas dress like they are auditioning for a part in Vegas Vacation? One thing I have noticed, and you guys out there feel free to use this tip, is that no matter how short, how bald, how fat, how ugly, how old or generally how hideous you are in appearance, if you have money, beautiful women will overlook your shortcomings. I saw more freaks with babish women than I could count. Money has to be the explanation. We saw a 400 lb guy, who had to wedge himself into his seat at the show, with a young, thin, reasonably attractive woman on his arm. Money is the only explanation. Here's another tip for both men and women. Las Vegas doesn't have special laws of physics. When you try to cram ten pounds into a five pound sack it is noticable, and not in a good way. Yesterday, we gambled and ate until the very last minute and then had to make a mad dash to the airport to make our 7:25 pm flight. Our cabby, another recent immigrant, took us the short route and was rewarded with a handsome tip. We rushed to the gate and eagerly anticipated immediate boarding. The gate agent announced that the flight would be 15 minutes late. Then he announced that the plane was on final approach from Oakland and would pull up to the gate momentarily. The passengers rushed to line up at the gate. We waited and then we waited. After a bit, the agent announced that rather than pulling up to our gate, the plane was in fact on it's way to Ontario, California, due to bad weather. It was raining in Las Vegas. So we sat back down. Some time after 10:00 pm, we were told that the plane was on final approach and that we should get ready to board. So we lined up again. A plane pulled up to the gate and rather than being from Southwest Airlines, it was an US Airways jet. More confusion ensued. Then passangers were directed to another gate. While the line at the original gate was headed up by those who patiently stood or sat in line for three damn hours, the sprint to the new gate resulted in the fittest being at the head of the line, along with their fat, loud-mouthed, know-it-all friend, and I think she knows who she is. By the way, capri pants and a large tunic-like top, not your best look lady. At long last we left Las Vegas, arriving home a mere four hours late. But hey, it was Friday night so we slept late this morning and all's well that ends well. We had a great time, we lost the money we set out to lose, we ate like pigs and I only aggravated the lovely Mrs. Sneed a few times, none resulting in an ugly fight. What more can a guy hope for? Merle. Things in this blog represented to be fact, may or may not actually be true. The writer is frequently wrong and sometimes just full of it. Tag: Daily Life Personal Finance Humor