Sneed Contemplates Adoption of Antarctic Orphan; Ice Floes Stall Progress

The celebrity world was abuzz today with news of Madonna’s adoption of baby David, an orphan from the impoverished African nation of Malawi. The extensive Madonna security apparatus secreted the baby out of Malawi and into the waiting arms of nanny Elizabeth Shropshire, who will care for the child during the week, with the pop icon assuming motherly responsibilities on Sunday afternoons and many holidays. Upon first seeing the child, among several orphans preselected for her consideration, Madonna is said to have remarked to husband, Guy Smiley of Muppett fame, "God they're cute Guy, can we pick two?" Guy reminded her that the infants would not remain cute forever and sending one back could prove difficult, so they opted for baby David alone. This adoption follows closely on the heels of the well-publicized adoption of Ethiopian baby Zahara, by Angelina Jolie, another pop icon and the woman credited with starting the celebrity-foreign orphan adoption craze, currently sweeping the entertainment industry. Rumors of bad blood between the pop culture divas have circulated widely. Since Madonna has forsaken our fair country for England’s shores, I put in a call to my distant cousin, Chesley Sneed, of Berksire Upon Sneed, a village in the north of England, for local thought. “The lads in the pubs think Angelina will be positively bonkers when she hears the news. After all, she set the bar for this whole celebrity-ankle-biter adoption business, don’t you know, old man?” he remarked. Well, I am not sure I do know, but I was determined to find out. Fortunately my connections in the paparazzi community run deep. I contacted one of my most trusted sources, a man I can only identify as Steve. Steve confirmed that he had heard the rumors and relayed a conversation he was told had occurred. According to Steve, photographers chasing the Brangelina rickshaw through the streets of Pune, India think they may have heard Angelina screaming at Brad and they are somewhat confident that they heard her say this, but they can't be sure. That old buzzard will not one up me godd**n it! If she thinks her urchin is more pathetic than Zahara, just because the frickin’ Malawians are poorer than the Ethiopians, she has another damn think coming. I am Angelina f**king Jolie, the informal UN Ambassador for Refugees. Pitt, get off your lazy ass and find me a better sad kid, even if you have to get a blind Chinese amputee kid, hear me A-hole? I invented caring you old cow! I'll adopt the whole continent if I have to. Sounds serious, I will keep up on the latest as it come to me and give a full accounting. Merle Legal Notice We here at the MerleSneed blog have nothing but the highest regard for Ms. Angelina Jolie, Ms. Madonna No Last Name and Mr. Brad Pitt and we both support them and thank them for their efforts to make the world a better place. Additionally, we recognize that fine celebrity-humanitarians such as Ms. Jolie, Ms. Madonna, and Mr. Pitt would never behave in the manner portrayed above. Both the lovely Mrs. Sneed, who would like to remind the Jolie-Pitt-Madonna legal teams that she has no editorial input in "that idiotic blog" and I wish them the very best success in raising their lovely children. And as always Things in this blog represented to be fact, may or may not actually be true. The writer is frequently wrong and sometimes just full of it. Tag: Daily Life Personal Finance Humor