Scenes at the Bank

Its Friday morning and I think we all know what that means. That's right, I am in the living room, sitting on my ample behind, rather than biding my time in my cubicle. I went out a while ago to (a) get a maple scone and a cup of coffee and (b) go to my bank, which is really a credit union. As a side note, my credit union just changed its name. I don't like change and I am not using the new name. Ever. When I arrived at the cafe I frequent, there was a group of people milling around the front door. It turned out that the power was off and the manager was standing in the door, giving out the bad news. The owner was pacing around the parking lot trying to will the electricity back on. I approached the manager and asked if I could get my scone, if I had exact change. The scones are in a display case and I could clearly see them. The cashier kids were just standing and talking. He said without electricity, the registers wouldn't work. I asked if he could just take the money and enter it in when the electricity came back on? Nope. So it was on to Starbucks. I don't really go to Starbucks much because their coffee is too strong for my taste and they don't call a large coffee large, its venti. Well, excuse me. Its petty, I know, but its annoying. I also try to avoid going into the bank if I can because it is mostly used by the problem customers. Reasonably competent people use online service and the ATM. By reasonably competent, I mean those who understand the concept of not writing checks when you have no money and those who actually balance their account now and then. Goofballs line up in the bank. Despite my dopiness and obvious qualification for lobby use, I was there because my son gave me a check and asked me to cash it for him. There were four teller windows open, all in use, when I arrived. Five or six people waited in line. Another reason not to use the lobby is the 2 inch thick glass protecting the tellers. It causes you to have to speak loudly to be heard by the teller. Consequently, everyone in the joint knows your business. Customer: I need to deposit this check. Teller: Mrrrssgglk. Customer: What? Teller: Mrrrssgglk number. Customer: 465301 (everyone now knows your account number) Teller: Mrrrssgglk sign Mrrrssgglk pad. Customer: Where? Teller: MRRSSGGLK PAD! Customer: Okay. You get the idea. Window one was being used by a middle-aged woman and her teenage daughter. The older gal looked like a retired porn star and maybe not retired. She was wearing fatigue pants and a tight black top. It was a spaghetti strap top and underneath was a regular bra, sticking out everywhere. I don't get the bra straps showing look. She had a very skinny body, except for her enormous breasts. Clearly, those boobs were not issued with that body. No sir, that was an add-on deal. Porn star was trying to unravel some financial calamity or another. She was at the window when I arrived and still there when I left. Window two was another mother / daughter team closing daughter's account because she was leaving town. They were also at the window for the duration of my visit. Plus daughter had the thin strap, big bra thing going too. Her bra was flesh colored, just not the color of her flesh. Window three was an old guy getting a check for his property taxes. He took longer than he needed to because evidently the teller wanted to hear his entire life story. The fourth window was actually moving. When I reached window four, the old man at three left and was replaced by an even older guy and his checkbook. He asked for a complete printout of his account activity for the last two months. Evidently, he has neither last month's statement nor computer access. I did witness the most remarkable event in 21st century banking. The cell phone of a guy in line rang and he got out of line and walked outside to talk. I am not making this up. My pal just called to be sure I can make lunch, so I have to get going. Merle. Things in this blog represented to be fact, may or may not actually be true. The writer is frequently wrong and sometimes just full of it. Tag: Daily Life Personal Finance Humor