I Swear That This Post Is Mostly True

Look, my mom had seven or maybe it was eight sisters. Since she was the youngest sister and the oldest was twenty years her senior it is possible that Ethel Merman was her sister. That's all I am saying. And besides that, my cousin is also a singer, so that's more evidence.

Speaking of celebrities, we had more than one at the various Sneed houses when I was a kid. This next part is the true stuff, not some crap I made up, mostly.

For instance, there was the time that my dad was a military liaison for a Bob Hope Christmas show in Guam in 1957. I don't like to brag or anything but we got to meet Hedda Hopper, Les Brown and of course Bob Hope. At least that's what I am told, even though I don't remember it exactly. Give me a break, I was seven.

My mom got the autographs of all the members of the Hope USO tour, including Mr. Hope, Les Brown, Hedda Hopper, Jerry Colonna and the biggie, Jane Mansfield. She got them on a cocktail napkin. Mom kept the napkin on display under the glass top of the bar my father had in the corner of the living room. She was very proud of it.

One evening my father took it from under the glass top to show to one of his drunken lout pals, who promptly spilled an entire glass of beer over it. This caused the ink to run and ruined it. This was a standard mishap for my old dad and one of a million disappointments in Mom's life. She was devastated and talked about that napkin for years and years and then more years.

Another time, I came home from school one afternoon in 1963 or 1964 and discovered Mr. Johnny Lee sitting in our living room. I'll pause so that you can collect your breath........hmm........hmm......Okay, now don't tell me that you saying to yourself, "Who is Johnny Lee?" But in the unlikely event that you are, I'll tell you.

In 1964, I'm betting that many, if not most school kids could tell you exactly who Johnny Lee was. He was the character Algonquin J. Calhoun, from the Amos and Andy show. Even though the show was cancelled in 1953, we knew it from the reruns. This was before we came to realize that Amos and Andy were white America's racist stereotypes of African-Americans. Those were ignorant times. But in 1964, the Amos and Andy show was still funny stuff.

Mr. Lee (his real name) was doing a USO appearance here in our fair city and my old dad invited him home. Whether or not he came willingly is in question, but there he sat on our battered sofa. He regaled us with stories of his career and the show, patiently answering our stupid kid questions. This was a big deal to us.

Later that evening we got to see Mr. Lee's show, which consisted mostly of him telling jokes in the Algonquin J. Calhoun character, and talking about the Amos and Andy show. I thought he was about the funniest guy I ever met and for one magical afternoon, we Sneed kids had something we could brag about.

Unfortunately, a year later Johnny Lee died of a heart attack, he was 67.

Sometimes at the Sneed house your dad would get drunk, rant and cause mayhem. Sometimes he brought home visitors, generally his drunken cronies, but occasionally welcome visitors.

It's no wonder I am a wreck.



Things in this blog represented to be fact, may or may not actually be true. The writer is frequently wrong, sometimes just full of it, but always judgmental and cranky


Tag: Daily Life
Personal Finance
Humor